Perking Right Along

Nothing says camping to us like perked coffee made in a genuine percolator.  Although some would say getting gourmet coffee out of a percolator is impossible, we beg to differ.

If you want The Best perked coffee, you have to be prepared to pay your dues and do your diligence.

Let's go through the drill.  Now, bear in mind this is not an exhaustive tutorial on making great perked coffee--it's just the beginning.

First things first--you MUST use a stainless steel percolator.  Do not even THINK of using an aluminum one.  If you insist on using an aluminum percolator then read no farther--this perked coffee primer is NOT for you!

Second, you MUST keep your stainless steel percolator clean and SPOTLESS.  Grime and built-up coffee stains might be a picturesque piece of camping ambiance but they simply murder good coffee.  Keep it cleaned constantly.  Period.

Third, you MUST buy the proper coffee filter.  A normal percolator will make a dark brown liquid that's only one step above the dreaded  so-called "cowboy coffee."  Trust me, we HATE cowboy coffee.  We don't care how many stories people tell about the mystic of cowboy coffee and how you put in egg shells and whatever other disgusting things you do to destroy perfectly good coffee grounds.  Cowboy coffee sux.  That's the bottom line.

So, you buy the correct filter.  It's a square piece of filter paper with five pre-punched holes.  You carefully line the basket with this filter, put in the grounds and then CAREFULLY fold over the corners of the filter until your precious grounds are safe and properly encased.  If you've done this step correctly, there will be NO grounds either in the bottom of the basket or in the coffee itself.  Cleanup is a no-brainer.

Next, you have a fine and delicate chore ahead of you on the road to perfect perked coffee.  It involves genuine scientific research.

A scientific procedure is one that can be replicated again and again based on, well... science.

The science of perfect perked coffee is finding the right grounds, in the right amount, matched with the right amount of water and perked for the right time over the right flame.  Each of these things is a critical variable.

• Type of grounds
• Amount of grounds
• Water quantity
• Time of perk
• BTU of flame

Messing up any one of the above can single-handedly destroy perked coffee.

You will need to keep meticulous, scientific notes and make many batches of coffee to find the right mix of these variables to suit your taste.  For us it is one-third cup of a secret coffee ground to the right grain size filled to a certain mark on the percolator and perked for precisely 5 minutes over a very low flame.

If the perk bubble rate is too fast, the coffee will become bitter.  Too slow and the coffee will taste "thin."

Getting the right perk rate is best determined by using a "perk-o-meter."  You point this laser device at your percolator and it gives you a read out of PPM--That's Perks Per Minute.  You can find a perk-o-meter at any reputable science supply store.

Now, the next trick is INSTANT removal of the coffee from the percolator.  The second it is done, pull it off the stove and immediately decant the percolator contents into a spotlessly clear, high-quality thermos.  Coffee left to sit in a percolator will become rapidly bitter and will taste weird.  The thermos is as much a part of the equation as the percolator itself.

Well, there you go--a primer.  We will eventually post some photos of the filters.

Flame Tender & Stove Cleaner

One thing that's real important for any campstove is what's called The Flame Tender.  These are mostly antiques.  They may still sell them new but I've never seen a new one.  You find them in antique stores.
Their purpose is obvious and basic.  they can tame a tall flame and render it a simmer.  A lot of camp stoves don't simmer well, their flame is far too hot to simmer or "keep warm," as the case may be.  The flame tender is your bridge between a really HOT flame and a perfect simmer.  Sometimes even the left burner won't simmer well.  That's when the vaunted flame tender really shines.  A low flame on the left burner underneath a flame tender becomes the perfect "keep warm" temperature without scorching and ruining your meal.  There are many variations of the flame tender.  Try to get one or more that have a handle.  The ones without a handle are a real hassle and you will eventually get burned.  I guarantee it.

There's really only one chemical we use for keeping the stoves cleaned--it's called Awesome cleaner and it's found almost entirely in "dollar stores."  I once saw it in a regular grocery but I can't remember where or when.  When we run low, we just go to the nearest dollar store, pay a buck and restock on Awesome.  It's the perfect stove grease cutter.  A few paper towels or a rag and some awesome and you're good to go.

Do carry a pair of pretty good gloves to use to move around hot skillets on your stove top.  Also, have at least one decent trivet handy.  Anything can be a trivit, from a flat piece of wood to a ceramic floor tile to a piece of iron cast specifically to be a trivet.  We recently found some great 12 x 12 marble tiles at Lowe's for 50 cents each.  They will make a real nice trivet and are large enough to handle anything.

Typically, we keep all the shims, teflon tape and stove clutter in a stout fabric bag.  Wrap up the bag and stow it in your Coleman.  In our 413D there's now plenty of room for everything with space to spare.  If you just throw the clutter in the stove body, it will bang around and get real annoying.  Also, it's a pain to pull out each piece and the stuff usually makes an unsightly chunk of clutter on the picnic table.  Keep is wrapped up in a stout bag and the cook area looks a lot better.  Also, if you have children, it's less likely they will be attracted to the gadgets and stove widget that you use.  In addition, all those little things can easily get lost.  By keeping them in a bag all is well.

I think that pretty well covers all of our ideas on stoves and related topics.  It's now time to move onto some other topic.  We've pretty well discussed all there is to mention about stoves.  If there's something we missed, please call it to our attention in the forms of a comment on this blog.  Thanks  & Cheers, jm

The Green Brothers--A Coleman Duet

Hey, this Duo is HOT!  Rock ON! Now that we have two Old Coleman Stoves, it sure didn't take long to find a credible excuse to set up BOTH of them and let the party begin.  What better day to inaugurate a Double Play than July 4th, King of Cookout Holidays.  We have company coming for a 9 am breakfast this morning.  The Green Brothers will have a starring role in making it a memorable meal.  No shuttling stuff back and forth from the inside kitchen.  Nope, most of our grub will be rustled up right on the glowing red hot burner plates courtesy of The Coleman Boys--they came from a green family long before green was chic, hip and cool.   Yeah, we're Green--Coleman Green!

July 3rd, we even unwrapped an artifact.  A NIB Coleman aluminum stove stand.  This rare artifact was purchased as a garage sale in 1999 and had remained unsealed in its original box ever since.  No kidding.  So, yesterday was the perfect Special Day to pop those old-fashioned copper staples and pull this puppy into the light of day.  We leveled up both stove, hooked one to a tank and the other to a green bottle.  We would have used two propane tanks but we have only one adapter hose.  We do keep a spare adapter so that was no problem.

Our friends arriving this morning are Spud Heads--they both are  TNN--Tater Nation Natives.  They were both born with hash brown hair and grew up curly fried.  They've always had a little scallop in their gallop and they can get half baked with the best of them!  So, naturally we HAVE to serve potatoes this morning and they can't be "Sinner Potatoes," as they call dehydrated potatoes.  They have to be the real deal--fresh fried country potatoes.  Heck, that's A LOT of work!

The biggest piece of work involved was cleaning our stainless steel griddle.  This behemoth weighs a blue ton and, over the years, it had become encrusted with a thick patina of cooking residue.  Some people call that "seasoning."  We call it YUCK!  It took about an hour of grinding, sanding, buffing, polishing and oiling but here it is in all its glory--a shaving mirror disguised as a griddle!

Well, it's T Minus Two Hours and counting until Backyard Breakfast is served.  We gotta get cracking, peeling, chopping, boiling, sizzling and just downright hopping to "git 'er dun."  We will photo document this one--it's going to be easily as good as making a meal in a real campground campsite--only it's in our backyard without all the gear hassle.

More stove tips

Perhaps one of the msot fun things about an old Coleman stove is the blank palette top.  It's like an artist's canvas waiting for your creativity--something to make Crafters smile.  Years ago (perhaps 1999) it dawned on us to stencil the top of the Coleman with something that would look good when seen at any angle.  I wish we had a dollar for every smile this has sparked.  The added design really gives the stove a touch of Camp Class. It's a cheery thing to see first thing in the morning, too.  It brings a smile to our faces every time we glance at it. We haven't yet figured out what to put on the 413D.  We've sure been thinking about it a LOT, though.  We doubt it will be the same motif.  There are so many possibilities.

OK, another tip is about New Age picnic tables and Old Coleman Stoves.  You may have noticed that some public agencies are using picnic tables made from recycled milk jugs or other "green" plastic material.  This is a nice idea but the tables don't mix with Old Coleman stoves.  Nope, like oil and water.  The heat coming from the bottom of the stove can melt one of those table tops faster than a New York Minute.  That's why we always carry a piece of wood larger than the bottom of the stove.  It's in case we need to protect the picnic table top.  Besides looking really ugly, the melted plastic really STINKS and it's probably emitting toxic fumes, too. 

Keep the stove clean.  It's a really good idea to keep the grease and cooking splatter off your stove.  A dirty stove attracts flies, mice and other vermin.  It might even attract bears in Bear Country, too.  Once a year, we take the stove body to the car wash and blast the heck out of it.  Then we turn it upside down and let it thoroughly dry out.  we also use a caustic cleaner to remove grease and oil.  We're pretty Type A about keeping the stove clean.  Luckily, Old Coleman's are easy to clean.

There's one other tip about those old stove.  Use a fine (REALLY fine) piece of wire to periodically poke into the small holes that rim the circumference of the burner plates.  They do get clogged and keeping them clean will give you an even flame and a much hotter burner.

Well, that's about it for Coleman stoves.  I will take one last look in my stove bag and see if I forgot anything.

The stove stand

Stove stands are indispensable.  When necessary, they can free up space on a small picnic table.  If a picnic table isn't available, you can use a folding table and put the stove elsewhere.  Likewise, if the wind is blowing from different directions, you can adjust the location of your stove to always have it's back toward the wind.  If you're cooking something that splatters grease everywhere, it's great to be able to segregate the stove location to keep the main area clean.

Old Coleman stove stands are great but they are inherently dangerous.  They can easily cause a painful pinch of your fingers or, worse, a deep cut into a pinky.  Bummer!  Be VERY careful folding and unfolding them.  They can really BITE!  Second, the stands are inherently unstable.  What camper hasn't bumped into a stove stand only to see dinner dumped onto the ground?  It's no fun.

If you're going to use s stove stand, take time to make a custom wooden cook top for the stand.  Cut holes in the right places so the wood locks into the tabs on top of the stand.  This prevents the stand from creeping closed and tipping over when you least expect it.  Likewise, it gives you a great surface to use your shims to level the stove.  lastly, it gives you extra work space upon which to place your utensils.

Stove leveling

Believe it or not, one of the most overlooked aspects of using a camp stove is the stove leveling process. Most people simply plop down their stove and think they are good to go. Nope, Little Buckaroo, yer not! The stove must be leveled to work properly, from both a mechanical and a cooking perspective. Propane will not distribute evenly in an unlevel stove. Likewise, the liquid in your cook pots and skillets will all run to one side on an unlevel stove. Just take a few moments to level the stove and it will work perfectly and you can cook evenly.

Buy a small bubble level. Attach it with brads to a small block of wood. Place the level on the stove grate. Use carpenter shims to level the stove. It's that simple and you will be amazed at the difference it makes! It took me years to finally realize the vital importance of leveling a stove. Now, I simply can't imagine doing it any other way!

Propane stove conversion

Above are generic photos of the two primary items you would need to convert a Coleman stove to propane.  Total cost for these two items is expensive.  Expect to pay at least $40 for the pair and probably $50!

Adapters vary in their ability to control a simmer flame. There's no way to know how well any given adapter will simmer prior to purchase. It's strictly luck of the draw. I'd suggest that you buy the adapter from Wally World so that it can be returned if it doesn't simmer worth a dang. DOn't skimp on the hose--get a long one. It allows much more flexibility in locating the tank in proximity to the stove. Also, hoses love to coil and curve and they don't travel in a straight line. Make sure the hose as a thumb wheel on it so you don't need a wrench to screw it into the tank.

A note of caution: ALWAYS carry teflon tape! NEVER leave home without teflon tape! It's inevitable that the hose and adapter will not fit perfectly together. Truly inevitable. When that happens, your stove is useless as there will be a dangerous fire breaking out in teh worst possible place. Believe me, we've had it happen too often to count. Now that we carry teflon tape, it never happens. We always tape the joint between the hose and the adapter and it makes camping much safer for all concerned.

The other weak link in the adapter is the coil spring that provides tension into the actual stove innards You have to have a very tight fit between the adapter and the stove portal or else you will get yet another propane fire breaking out there.

The steel used in the spring that comes on the adapter is great stuff but heat makes it brittle and it will eventually break off. It's not a matter of "if" it will break, simply when. Meanwhile, the steel is basically impossible to bend with your fingers. That's why we carry two small pliers--one needle nose and one regular. We now never worry about when the spring will break. it doesn't matter. one nice thing about the 413D is that there is a real EDGE on the inside of the box. We can simply slide the spring coil over this edge and don't have to worry about bending a hook on the end of the spring.

There's one other weak link in the hose. Almost all hoses have a machined fitting that goes into the tank. There's a little circular machined recess in the tip of the hose. There's an O ring that fits into this recess. Propane gas has a chemical that makes O rings brittle. They crack and eventually break off. Believe me, this is NOT a good thing! Some of these O rings don't even last a season. They will rarely last two seasons and, three? Forget it! The O rings typically costs 25 cents each at a full service propane place. We buy 10 of them and keep them two film cans. That way when we lose one, we're not SOL. Keep an eye on that O ring at all times. Swapping it out BEFORE it breaks is highly recommended! If you've ever had a propane fire break out right at the tank, you know how terrifying this can be. It's all because of that skipping little 25 cent O ring!

This should go without saying but.... Be sure to wait until your stove cools completely before packing your hose inside the stove. Duh. Well, believe it or not, I got in a hurry once and totally destroyed a perfectly good hose by allowing it to contact the hot burner plate. Opps. If you can put your hand on the burner plate, it's cool enough to pack the hose inside. Otherwise, chill out and wait.

Another caveat is spare propane. You need two things. One is a mechanical propane tank gauge. They sell for less than $15 most places. Don't let you tank fool you. Monitor it before and after each trip. Keep it full. An empty propane tank is very embarrassing and problematic. Also bring along not one but TWO green propane bottles. It's cheap insurance and does wonders for peace of mind.

Here's a tip about the green bottles. They are cheap for a reason. They are intended for one time use only. By and large, if you ever have to use them, plan on using ALL the propane in them or throw them away immediately after usage even if they have propane left in them. Why? Well, the little funky valves in those green bottles are worthless. At least 50 percent of them will leak gas after their first use!!!! It might be a leak so small you can't smell it or hear it but they will be leaking and eventually you could have a disaster. Susun has good ears and she can hear a gnat fart at 50 yards. So, I have her listen to the green bottles bu holding the end into her ear. It looks weird but it works. She can detect a tiny leak. You would be amazed how many of them leak. They DO NOT leak when they are new and unused. It's after being used that they leak. That's why we just throw them away in a VENTILATED dumpster. Oftentimes, if the leak is big, we will simply put them downwind and let them run out of gas before throwing them away. Green bottles are very dangerous. Use then with great caution and suspicion! User beware!